Its funny isn't it...

Its funny isn't it. how we search for so long for something true to come along.
for something to happen that You can't explain
for that Someone... that makes you feel so alive
who doesn't take your breath away like everyone says
but He gives you a reason to breath.
I don't believe in love at first sight.
but you can feel an instant longing for them.
and that was there.
the countless months, the attatchment grew
the conversations lengthened. and it became more real
its funny isn't it...
how you think everything is fine until you meet them
and than you can't seem to remember what it was like before.
you remember everything since the day you met him though
down to exactly what he was wearing. well I do anyway
I remember the feeling, of everything the first time I saw him, the first time he said I miss you, the first time he broke my heart, and the first time we kissed.
They didn't go in the normal order but it didn't matter.
Our love was disfunctional.
but it was ours. so it didn't matter. I loved it anyway
some say it isn't worth the tears. but how do you know its real if you never cry.
I knew it was
I always knew...
I knew the way I'd stare at the clocks dreading the way the always seemed to whirl faster and faster

they would laugh at me ticking away showing pretty soon he'd have to leave and I just sit there
smiling remembering how great that night was

its funny isn't it...
that with each increasing day, I wanted him more.
talking for hours about nonsense. and laughing harder than ever before.
he understood me. unlike anyone else. and I understood him. the way he
would paint a picture and make his words flow almost melodically.
it was beautiful and it captured my attention

I remember the way I was afraid of my new school. I wished he would be going their with me. I wished everday we lived in the same town not 40 minutes away.
he sent me off with the words of Sarah, be yourself people will love you.
how... I asked in my worried tone
because your charismatic.
its funny isn't it.
how that made me smile more than any other compliment
how I craved just to hear his voice. to see his face.
I was shy in some aspects when he tried to get close

its funny isn't it ...
how he loved it. how he loved to watch me squirm
he would get close as if he was going to kiss my cheek just to watch me turn bright red
and shake.
I got goosebumps and everything.
and instead of him asking why I was soo "prude" he's laugh and watch me do it over and over again
he loved it.
and he made me feel comfortable.
and when we finally kissed.
I pray that anyone feels the way it does. when its innocent and sweet. and been anticipated for months.
I almost died. I turned redder than imaginable I could feel it and he just held me and whispered how adorable it was.

Its funny isn't it...
how the person who can make you the happiest.
can make you the saddest

its funny isn't it...
how, you finally are with him.
and he's taken from you

its funny isn't it...
how 6 month later you sit in your bed
remember the days he played piano for you
laughed with you
staring at the pictures
and the concerts and the times

its funny isn't it..
that you can wake up just like every other day and grab a shirt
but when you realize which one you grabbed you remember what happened the day you wore it with him

its funny isn't it...
that when he told you he loved you...
it was after you knew you could never be with him again

lifes funny that wayy isn't it?

My Crazy, Sarcastic, Deep, Witty, Best Friend

I'm at a loss of words
or at least an idea of what I should blog
soley on today...
but I think i'm gonna talk a little about my best friend
and shout at a thanks.

My Best Friend
in the midst of all the choas and petty drama known as highschool we manage to never fight,
Her giant beanbag up in her lofty room is a haven in which we can escape our problems and lets be honest open up a big bottle of bitch about the people in our lives. we confide in eachother. i'm never afraid of judgement or that she'll lie. she will be brutally honest. in which i'm forever thankful for.

The late night raps, and icecream, and shoe paintings. define our friendship...
random.
its never boring. and she is ALWAYS there for me.
She is one of the girls who doesn't exactly realize how fantastic she truely is.
between the constant witty banter and sarcastic comebacks.
our friendship is full of humor and spazz
And lets not forget the fact that we'll stay up late into the hours of the morning talking
speaking, of deep thoughts and hurt that we refuse to tell anyone else.
normally ending up with tears streaming down our face. I know she's there.
she's there ready to answer the phone, when something horrible happens.
to tell me it will get better. not that it will be okay. when we both know it truely
wont.
she stand there and lets me release all the pent up hurt as I throw my math book to the ground
or just sit there in silence because I'm too sad to speak. she cheers me up.
she'll make some remark simply as too DAMN him... DAMMMMNN him DAMN IT!
and thats enough to make me smile. and laugh.
the stories I could tell of our fun times. of our bond that grows with each day.

I'm so thankful for her. and for what she does for me.
I thank God everday that I have a Bestfriend like her.
and... I Hope maybe she reads this and knows she's loved.
and for all you. out there. who have a friend like this.
make sure you appreciate them.
and all those who are still searching...
just know they're trying to find you too.
because when you find your true best friend.
you form a bond tighter than sisters.
because no one will understand you like they do.
and too my best friend...
I LOVE YOU BUDDY!